How Early Experiences Shape Our Relationships
Many of us seem to have some idea of what our ideal relationship should or should not look like. However, what we may not have realized is that these ideals are to some extent shaped by our earlier experiences, especially those relational patterns we had with our primary caregivers. Whether we are aware or not, we tend to compare our ideal partner and/or friend(s) to how similar or different they are from our primary caregivers.
As an art therapist, Eliza uses art making as the vehicle of her inner explorations. She has this to say regarding one of her personal therapeutic art encounters, "I painted the face of my father, and had allowed myself to paint him not as my eyes see him, but as the way my heart sees him. When the image emerged, I realized that I had painted my father with no eyes. It immediately struck me that I could not get myself to paint his eyes because I have never dared to look him in the eyes. At that moment, memories of insecurities towards my father flooded me. It is one thing to know and learn about relational theories, but it was totally different when it hit me as I pondered over the eyeless image. Over time, I worked through these insecurities that arose with my personal therapist, and one interesting realization was that although I might have chosen my life partner because he is seemingly unlike my father in every way, my previous insecurities have caused him to appear as though he was like my father, after years of being together. In short, I was projecting on him. I realized how unfair it was for me to look at him with subconscious expectations and comparisons, and it led me to giving us more allowance for breathing space in our relationship.”
The beautiful thing about having an artistic representation is that one can meditate on it, revisit it, or even paint over it. One can view it by oneself, with someone else, or in a group, taking in different perspectives. Through it all, one can still feel safe in the knowledge that he/she does not necessarily have to share the encounter if he/she does not want to, and be as vague or as precise as he/she likes. And this is the process that we would like to invite you to experience, where the art itself speaks to you and allows yourself to come face to face with its own truth, without filter or self-censorship.
